I guess the reasons that I stated above are why so many brides pick the month for their weddings, plus the fact that having the wedding in a non-football month makes it much easier. In Alabama, we have to have our weddings from February to July. If they are held during football season, they have to be planned around the game, which causes numerous problems. It is just much easier to plan a wedding for June. I know, for Truett and I were married in November...on a football weekend!
While we are on the topic of weddings, I was told something recently that you might also have heard. Have you heard that in Tennessee you can get married only six times? Yep, after the the sixth one, you have to go to another state to tie the knot, or so I was told. I guess the thinking behind that was that Tennessee should allow you to choose only six losers and that if you haven't learned how to pick a keeper by that time, you can just go somewhere else to learn.
Not so, according to my attorney buddy, Russell Brown. Russell says that you can get married in Tennessee as many times as you want to, as long as you have enough money to get out of the previous marriage. So he and I are happy to set the record straight on that misinformation flying around.
Although I have never been divorced, I can empathize with those who have, for I understand that it can be a very painful (and expensive) procedure. Since I don't like to endure pain of any kind, physical or emotional, I am thankful that I haven't had the pain of a broken heart and shattered dreams.
Those who have experienced such agony, however, might appreciate the following cards that might be found in a Hallmark store or card shop:
1. I have always wanted someone to hold, someone to love. And how that you are in my life...
(Inside card) I've changed my mind.
2. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am...
(Inside card) That you're not here to ruin it for me.3. When we were together, you said you would die for me...
(Inside card) Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.4. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) It's almost like you're still here.
5. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
(Inside card) What was I thinking?
6. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside care) I never believed in Hell until I met you.
Now if the above suggested cards are not thought provoking sufficiently for those of you who have had enough of the state of matrimony, you might want to contemplate the following questions and answers:
1. Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it is worth it.2. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.
3. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
4. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
If you still must ponder the situation, consider the following:
1. He said..."What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you ?" She said..."Turn sideways and look in the mirror."
2. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.
3. What is the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds mature.
And, now for some final thoughts on wedded bliss:
"Cash, check, or charge?" the salesperson asked, after folding items the customer wished to purchase. As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the clerk noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" she asked. "No," the customer replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me; so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."
And....continuing...
While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed Tom, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it, dear?"
The rest of that story gets rather ugly, as you can imagine.
Finally, the very favorite, I expect, for most women, would be the following:
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?God says: "So you would love her."
Man says: "But, God, why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
As I close, I must give a word of encouragement to those of you who have "been there and done that." Don't let the words in this column discourage you. Remember that old saying, "If at first you don't succeed, try and try again." So keep trying until you either get it right or you give up. And if this is one of your numerous attempts at finding marital happiness and if the great state of Tennessee should ever limit the number of times a person can marry and won't agree that this attempt, whatever the number, might just be the one that will work, well, just go and find another state where you can rope him in. After all, happiness is worth going the extra mile for...even if it is the seventh, or eighth, or ninth mile!
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